Cancer

It's been almost four weeks since my mom passed away from cancer.  This has been very hard for me I lived with my mom and have been taking care of her.  Her wish was to do in home hospice.  I guess when this happened I was thinking I would get more help.  At this point my mom was very weak hospice was great getting her a hospital bed like within 24 hrs anything she needed, but I only had a nurse once a day for about one hour.  They would ask "Do you have any questions"? I mean your mom is dying your mind is all over the place do you think I can think of any questions? She was on Morphine which I had to learn to give her and towards the end is when this really hurt.  I'm trying to reach out to anyone who has or is going through this I beg you spend whatever time you can talking crying, hugging.  I have so much regrets for not talking more to my mom she always seemed more into playing on her tablet, and vaping yes in away she was still smoking, and I guess I thought she will get through this.  At times I struggle since I still live in the same apartment, and start a new job soon.  I think this is all hitting me at once that she's gone.  I know I will see her again one day in heaven, and I know right now she's probably a younger version of herself with no more pain, and just of joy and happiness. What I'm hoping is someone can learn from my mistakes in this make better choices.  Towards the end it was so hard. I had to help my mom to the bathroom, change her bedding, to be honest I was happy to do so. So what is it like towards the end? I don't wish this on anyone and I was lucky to have a friend from church who's a nurse that deals with terminal patients. He came at the last minute my mom hanging on in so much pain, we gave her the medicine, he was great she had wet through her clothes and sheets, so he cleaned her up she soon passed minutes after this.  Watching and knowing someone who brought you into this world is so hard your mind goes blank, but again I beg you don't run, don't turn from it.  Do the best you can to be there for them. I'm going to be honest with whoever reads this I feel guilt for not doing more. I know I did the best I could right now as I'm trying to type this I can't stop crying I don't understand it but all the feeling are coming up. I'm leaving you with a picture of my mom this was one day before she passed.  The man in the picture was a young boy my mom baby sat I was so happy he stopped with his new born daughter my mom loved babies.